Digging out

How do you get yourself out of a mommoth rut when the mojority of the time , you just don't care that you're in one ? All the things that used to inspire you are now just insurmountable ideas that past experience has tought you are very very slim in every actually pulling off . Now that's just fucked up . Most of the time i don't care anymore . But occasionally i get a whiff of inspiration ... Only to have the thoughts of futility overcome me and quash it .
Another holiday season approaches and as per usual i go through it all alone . GOD i fucking hate the holidays ... Or do i just hate me anymore ? Probably both .
Merry Fucking Christmas ... Can't wait for the New Year . More of the same shit .

Inspiration .

" Inspiration is all around us . We need only be cognisent of it's presence and clever enough to utilize it's impact for the betterment of mankind . "
Rodney . 11/21/05
This thought popped into my mind today as i was drawing . Yeah , i was drawing again . Must've been the caffeine .

rush of wind changes the day

So i was at work today . Nothing particularly special about the day . Matter of fact it was just another day in the old grim and muck of the machine shop . I work next to the back bay door in my building , and my car is parked right outside , maybe 10 - 12 yards away . So i head out to my car to retrieve the new Foo Fighters cd i had just purchased over the weekend . Nothing special in that . It was an overcast day today and rather windy , but strangely "muted" outside . Anyway i'm heading to my car and it's as if i've transported into a vacuum . Silent . And all i can see is this streak of bright yellow as a gust of wind catches maybe a dozen tiny oval shapped leaves dangelling of the end of a bush branch and sweeps them up into the air and off into infinity .
In this space of inorganic machines and dead inanimate objects full of grease and metal shavings , there is this one brief streak of brilliant organic color silent and beautiful dancing on the currents of the wind ...... Lifting my spirits and taking me along for the ride .
When i returned inside i had a smile wrapped across my face and a co - worker asked me what i was smiling about . " Nothing " i said . Knowing they wouldn't understand , or worse yet laugh at me for thinking something like leaves blowing in the wind could evoke such a response .
I think that's why i'm here . To write down what i keep inside , knowing so much of what i do , people wouldn't understand or care about anyway .